Friday, 31 August 2012

Time for update

Time for an update..  I have gone on twice in two weeks.  Made Approx $80 the first time in a couple hours and $120 the second time in an hour and half.  THANKS to my reg's on the second one.  I think I popped on one other time for about 5-10 min and just did not have the patience that night.

I am going for the surgery on Tuesday.  SCARED SHITLESS.  I will have SIX weeks of no camming, how the heck will I make it without even the tiny extra $$ I get off it?  I also worry about the first time I insert anything in there. 

I was wrong about the "vaginal tightening" being an option.  Its  mandatory with what I am getting done apparently.   Here is the "list" of surgery.
rectocele repair
cystocele repair
Vaginal Hysterectomy (tubes, uterus, cervix)
Bladder lift
Endo removal
and Urethral sling

All because of #1. Child birth stretching things and #2. Endometriosis damaging things.  Anyway, I just hope it all goes nice and smooth with minimal pain.  Sure wish I could get a boob job and tummy tuck while under:)

I plan to have my last "hurray" camming tonight.  Not going on till a bit later.  Going to be a tough night though.. I find Fridays usually suck, as well as the LAST day before the pay all the "big guns" come out.  Top models do a final push before the pay period.  Will have to stick it out and not get discouraged and sign off after 5 min or an hour, gotta put my two hours in regardless.  Guess I am off to the liquor store after work for some coolers:)

Thursday, 9 August 2012

good night and not so good:)

Lets see... Was a successful night last night as I made $74.05 in a little under two hours. I am happy with that.  Except I got an insult... well, I guess some say "that's not an insult!!!"  but to ME it was an insult.  One asked if I was a BBW.  I AM NOT BBW.  I work hard at my body.  I may be a few lbs over, but not hugely.  I do not have a hard 20 something year olds body, but a little in the middle.  Oh well, 1 member out of hundreds...

Here's the not so good.  I was drinking (of course) on cam.  I went way beyond over my limit.  My limit is a max of 3- 4 vodka coolers.  I somehow had nine.  That's in two hours.  They went down like juice, and I didn't feel it.  I don't think I was ridiculously drunk on cam, but when I logged off and stood up, WHAM!  Hit me like a mac truck.  The last time I threw up was 17 years ago.  I know exactly when it was because I do NOT throw up.  Its almost impossible for me to.  Must be some psychological block that prevents me from throwing up, even if I stick my finger down my throat.  (Nope, I would never make it as a bulimic.)

Last night I was praying to the porcelain God.  NO problems throwing up.  I spent two hours in the bathroom.  probably the last 40 min were in the shower trying to control an anxiety attack between my periods of heaving.  I have NO IDEA how I let it get so far.  I am all about control.  I must be in control all the time.  That's part of the reason I do not do drugs or drink excessively.  I think my anxiety attack in the shower last night was either brought on by the fact that I was actually doing what was impossible for me (throwing up), or the feeling of loss of control. 

THE ONLY reason I do drink on cam is because it makes me relax and less inhibited.  I like to get that little buzz going so my inhibitions go out the window and I can let the conservative part of me step aside.  Generally though, I know my limit.  Have no clue where my stop button was last night!.

The closer it gets to my surgery date, the more anxious I get though.  I am scared to be honest.

Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Another great one

Haven't been able to post lately.  I did go on another time and did very well in an hour and a half again.  AGAIN, its thanks to the REGULAR tippers, without them, I would have been there hours! lol.  So all in all, I only went on 2x in two weeks.  I am really slacking bad.  My hearts not in it again.  I really really need the $$ in a bad way, but cannot seem to motivate myself to get on there.

#1. Its way to hot to use my pole.  Its like trying to hold on to a greased pig.  There would sure be some wrecks if I tried to pole dance in this heat, even with the air on.
#2. I am just not "feeling it".  If I am not in the mood, the customers know it.

I am getting REALLY nervous about my upcoming surgery and am so tempted to cancel it.  Sure would be nice to be able to get some cosmetic surgery done at the same time.  Little tuck there, lift there, fill there.

I HAVE been watching cams even though I have not been working.  I REALLY enjoy the couple cams.  Hetero, bi, gay - any couple is quite entertaining.  I love to read what the members and guests in the room write.. Of course, there is always  "FEET BB"  every few lines.  My girlfriend and I have made a joke of that and usually will text each other out of the blue once in awhile "show me ur feet bb..mmmmmm" 

Well, back to work I go...sigh