Saturday, 22 December 2012

Its over:)

I haven't written in the blog for quite some time.  Reason being, I have decided to quit camming.  I am down to one credit card to pay and my car loan is paid off.  I only have the one debt.  More reasons why I have decided to quite:  #1. I HATE HATE the whole camscore thing on MFC.  I like to go on there sometimes and its NOT just to make money, but if I spend time socialising with the regular members and do not get any tips, the cam score drops HUGE.  Drives me crazy, so crazy I decided fuck it.  I will go on a site that doesn't go by camscore when I feel the urge to cam. #2.  It is NOT fun anymore.   #3.  I have decided to give a relationship a try.  Yes the one I mentioned earlier.  I cannot cam while giving it a go on a relationship.  NOT on MFC anyway.

Mfc has a strict no man policy.  If I am going to cam while my man is here, then I want him to be comfortable being able to talk to me or even join in if he wants.  So I will cam on a couples site if I get the urge.  Now that I do not have the same "pressure" to make the money I can take it back to fun.  It was really becoming NOT fun anymore.  Every few min that went by with no tip I thought "there goes my camscore again".  It was becoming a chore, and I dreaded going on, when I used to love it.  I made it 18 months I believe.  So, deleted my account on MFC, never to return, and going back to camming when I "feel" like it.  I don't have to worry so much about income, so I can go on and have the fun I used to.  I AM an exhibitionist after all:)

I doubt I will be writing in this anymore, but I will certainly be leaving it up for new models that stumble across it wondering what to expect.  My results are more typical, but if you are very young and HOT and can keep them entertained you will do it!.  For the rest of us, if we are average, or older or heavier, expect to still make some money - because after all, its money you didn't have before - and expect a HUGE boost in your self esteem and learning to be comfortable with your sexuality, if you're not already.  Most of all, HAVE FUN.  When it's not fun anymore, then its time to either take a break or quit.

Sunday, 11 November 2012

Been good!

I have a had a couple of not bad nights.  Nothing spectacular, but not horrible either.  The bad news is.  I have not been able to do it without the alcohol.  I am THINKING of camming until January, then maybe only doing it once a week.  I will have my car loan paid in December, so financially, that will make a HUGE difference.  Its something I am contemplating anyway.

So, I got a request that was "different".  Somebody wants me to send daily pics of my panties, one in the morning before I put them on, and one at night after wearing them all day.  He said he will pay me to do it, and he wants them daily "forever".  I am stumped.  I have no problem doing that, but have NO CLUE on what to charge on something like that!

Other then that, I really do not have anything different to write about.  Will be on tonight, so I may have news tomorrow:)

Monday, 5 November 2012

first night sober

Okay, I went on sober.  Had up to 69 people (what a number eh?) at one point.  NO tips though.  I think I made $20 in an hour and  a half.  I think.  Could be less.  I went on for a half hour or so and was just talking, I think I had a max of 10 people in my room.  I took a 15 min break , then went back on and got right to the pussy.  OF course the room number started rising, rising..  My problem is, I get bored.  Mind you, I am so tired still from the weekend.  You really gotta be "into" it when you get online.  You gotta have the "vibe".

I think tomorrow I will take off and then get back at it Wednesday. 

Sunday, 4 November 2012

well.... an interesting night

Yes I had my last hurrah.  lol.  My best friend and I were talking and she said to come over to her place and we would finish what she had and that would be it for the BOTH of us.  So, I went over there, got there, and really didn't even FEEL like drinking.  Of course, I did, and then we went online together.  We were our usual goofy comical selves.  Neither one of us is really bisexual and certainly not with EACH OTHER.  It was VERY close last night though.

  We were caught up with the drinking and the egging on of the guys on mfc.  We certainly have a great time when we go on together and have been told almost every time that we are the most funniest room on there.  Couple of 40 something year olds acting like teenagers. lol.  We had a great time, not sure how long we were on for, I do not think to long.  Made about 750 tokens just flashing our tits and pussies, and yes, FEET.  hehe.  We had a guy that was dropping tokens for us to spread em, and to make sure our feet were in view.  I think that when her and I are together, we are so dam funny.  There really isn't anything sexy about us.  We are a couple of goofs laughing.  We are entertaining, certainly not sexual.  haha.

Tomorrow night will be my first night on SOBER for probably the last year.  When sober, I have very little patience and want results NOW.  If I only have 10 people in my room with no tips I get impatient and usually log off within 20 min.  MUST push past that.  I also am a lot quieter and more conservative.  I really AM quite conservative until I drink.  Then the wild side comes out.  Tomorrow will be a good test.  I think if I can pull it off then I will have it beat.  Its just been so long and I am nervous.  I worry about what if I make goal and my orgasms are unexciting?  when drinking, I am a total screamer, dirty talker etc.  When sober I am MUCH more subdued.  I worry it could be "boring" for the people watching.  I guess I will find out tomorrow night:)

Saturday, 3 November 2012

An awakening

Well, I have had a huge awakening.    I went online last night, and again, had to drink first.  I really really drank too much.  I don't even remember skyping with two of my friends last night.  I woke up this morning and realized that the drinking is becoming a problem.  I have to stop.  It has gotten to the point that I feel I cannot go online WITHOUT booze, and I need to stop.  So, tonight I will attempt to go on line sober.  I am scared shitless.

On another subject.  Blocking your state or province. I USED to block my province when I first started.  I havent done so in the last 8 months or more.  One day I just decided that I am losing out on other possible tippers, and IF somebody actually came on and KNEW me, then I DOUBT they are going to say anything to anybody, because then they would have to admit they were on a cam site.  Its a risk of course.  I figure though, the minute you decide to do camming you are PUBLIC.  It doesn't matter if you block your area.  If you're sending out vids, pics etc etc, there is a chance that somebody you know may get their hands on them.   I think its really important to think about that risk when you decide to cam.

 Personally, I don't really care that much if people I know find out.  I look at it as a JOB.  I am doing what I have to do to to make some extra cash.  Sure, I could go get another part time job, but THIS one allows me to set my own hours.  If I don't feel like working for a couple weeks, I simply do not.  Its not a stable job by any means, and no guarntees I am going to make what I need, but I am okay with that.  I am happy with whatever I DO make and see it as extra $$ I wouldnt have if I wasnt doing it.  I am highly sexual, so it also allows me to utilize that in a SAFE way.  If I get on line and am having a crappy night, I simply log off.  Somebody comes in my room and is rude, I block them.  I am in charge and I like it that way.

NOW, to conquer it sober:)

Thursday, 1 November 2012

40 Min night

So, I went on last night.  I lasted all of 40 min.  In that 40 min, I pulled out all the tricks and the max # in my room was 42 and I got a total of 20 tokens.  I decided to log off and good thing I did!.  I went to watch the top girl.  She had 1500 people in her room and seemed to be having a lot of problems getting tips as well.  In the 20 min I watched, she got 50 tkns from one guy, 10 from another, then 40 from the same guy who gave her the 50.  With 1500 people in her room you would expect it to be going a lot better then that.  If the top girl isn't reeling in the tokens then I don't have a chance in hell.

I think I am more upset that I wasted my Captain Morgans. lol.  I am a "cam drinker".  I HAVE to get an alcohol buzz to be able to go on line.  It gives me courage and my inhibitions and body image problems go away.  I know that sounds terrible, but its the truth.  What I SHOULD have done is waited to start drinking until I went on line and figured out whether it would be a good or bad night.  You can USUALLY tell within the first hour how its going to go.  I generally am just NOT a drinker, but I guess you could say I have become a cam alcoholic, since I drink when I am on cam.  Thank God I do not do it 5 nights a week!  When I started camming, I did not drink.  Then one day on a hot summer day I decided to have a few while on line.  I had people TIPPING me to drink and get a buzz, and that's where it all started.  Back then, TWO coolers and I was drunk.  I am now up to at least 4-6.  I guess I am getting "seasoned".  I also drink them extremely fast, there is no sipping with me.  I do everything at 100mph.  I eat fast, I drink fast, I cum fast.

I think I may be what they call "insatiable".  Well, maybe not, I CAN be sated, but it takes me so many orgasms.  Its like my first 10 or so are "warm ups".  Mini O's.  Its like the more I have, the more intense and the better they get, so I keep going to get that HUGE body shaking amazing one.  Sometimes it takes me 20 or more to get that ONE, and sometimes less, but DAM.  I sure am worn out the next day.  Problem is, even when I get that REALLY amazing one, sometimes I gotta keep going for more, so I can have 3 or more amazing ones. lol.  Yes, I think I have a problem.  Or is this normal?

Well, I rather have an orgasm addiction then a drug addiction I guess.  At least orgasms are good for the body.  So far, I have only ever found one man that can keep up the pace.  Not that I am out there sleeping around, but I have tried a few since I became single.  Okay 5 in total and only 1 has been able to satisfy me.  I am thinking I may have to keep him for awhile.  Its really hard to find a pervert such as myself.  I am not really into the whole sleeping around thing, makes me feel slutty.  I rather have ONE that can do the job and keep that one.  At the same time, I DON'T WANT a relationship.  I do not want to live with anybody right now, I like my life by myself.   I realise this has nothing to do with camming, but sometimes my mind wanders and I just need to write about whatever:)

Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Heather! re: bellies

OH I feel you on the belly.  I HATE mine.  I have had two children and am also in my 40's, so I get it!  (I know your in your 20's, but THREE children will be sure to leave some marks:) NO way in hell does that exclude you from camming.  I have stretch marks, although not that noticeable, but I do have a spare tire or two.  First off, I try to minimise showing my belly as much as I can.  With the "rolls" I make sure I am always facing the camera (NEVER SIDEWAYS ACK!).  Also, a tried and true trick that you will see a lot of models use, (in fact, just did this myself last night).  If you wear a tank top, then get to your goal and they want naked, or tits etc, I just take the straps off, expose the boobs and keep the t-shirt around the middle. Makes it much easier.  Go have a look at some camming sites and watch for a bit.  DON'T watch the absolute top models, because they are "perfect".  Watch some middle of the road ones, and you will see, there is a market for ALL OF US.   We do not have to be perfect. 

The fact that we are "average" and not perfect makes us more REAL I think.  So the men feel more like "wow, this could be my neighbour, how hot is this?".  SURE, the top models are perfect in every way and have the porn star act DOWN pat, but that doesn't mean we cant make some money either.  So please, do not let the belly discourage you. You can work around it, and you will also be surprised at how men really don't care!  If your entertaining, they will come.  Of course, pussy and tits is all they really care to see anyway... lol. My thing is, be yourself.  Enjoy it, go with it and as long as you're having fun with it, that's all that matters really.  Again, if you want it as a HUGE source of income, you may disappointed.  If you go into it without high expectations I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

Yesterday was my first night back.  I was scared shitless.  I have not been able to squirt and that was my HUGE "draw" I figured.  So, I had a little bit much to drink before even getting on.  Then of course, I got all horned up before I even reached my goal and just had to have orgasm after orgasm after orgasm.  I made 700 tokens, so about $35 and it was approx. an hour and a half I believe.  I had fun.  Little sore today from all that pounding but dam I needed that.  I hope my squirt comes back!  Although, I must say, nobody seemed to mind that I couldn't.  My poor neighbours that live below me must really wonder what the heck I am doing up there by myself moaning, screaming and saying FUCK ME..  Thank God I don't see them much, I think I would be many shades of red.

I am going back on tonight for a couple hours since I have until midnight to make some $$ and get paid tomorrow.  I have dug out my old Lelo Vibrator to use.  Its perfect.  3 inches max of insert able length,  and maybe an inch around?  I cannot believe how FREAKING tight I am since surgery.  Very exciting.  Just praying my squirt comes back. 

Heather, let me know what you decided and ANY questions I am happy to try and help.  Not that I am an expert by any means. lol.

Thursday, 18 October 2012

WHOOOHOOOOO!

Went for my six week check up and got the all clear to start exercising and "light" sex.  I am so excited to try out my new parts.  I had plans on giving it a go last night, but ended up being exhausted.  I am putting it off till Friday night.  If all goes well, I will return to camming on Monday night:) 

Very nervous about going back on cam after such a long absence!  I think I will need some Captain Morgans for courage....  Will update after my trial run.

Sunday, 7 October 2012

ATTN: XXX

Hi XXX
I just read your comment.  First off for all the annoying PM windows.  In your profile settings when you log on you can set it to NO PMS with a message, or you can set it to friends only can PM you.  I have mine set to Friends only, but even then I find it gets annoying.  Its hard to entertain your room AND keep up with PM's.  I usually tell people that want to PM that I just don't do private messages as it takes my attention away from the room.  MOST messages are just guys wanting you to watch THEIR cams of them jerking off.  As far as the meanies, block their asses RIGHT AWAY, and try and let it roll off your back. 

Try and remember that those type of people are just asses.  They are not the majority, and they probably just get off on going to models rooms and being rude.  I always wondered about that.  Why would ANYONE want to go into a strangers room and say hurtful things directly to them when all they have to do is click next model? I think its a game to some. 

As far as earning $$.  Gotta remember, there are not very many that make the top model's and have the $$ rolling in.  The ones that DO, are generally very young, very hard bodied and treat it as the "porn" that it is, and not the place to go socialise (like me:).  They also have a gimmick (which we all do), but certain things work for some, and not for others.  Those top girls treat it like the "job" it is, and work hard.  They get the fan base from being on at regular times and promoting themselves etc etc.

Its certainly not a "job" for your average mature woman where they are going to make the huge $$.  The way I look at it, EVEN if I have a terrible night and am lucky to make $10 in two hours, I think to myself, well, its $10 extra dollars I wouldn't have made just watching TV, and I most likely had a good time chatting anyway.  Don't get discouraged, try to have fun and remember that as you develop a fan base (even if its only a few!) you will feel so much better about yourself.:)  As long as you are enjoying it, keep doing it.  When you stop enjoying it, take a break.  Apparently most woman burn out after 3 months and quit.  I like it to much to quit for good.  Keep me posted okay? 

NOTES ON MY RECOVERY:

So, since the surgery, I have been mostly on the upward slide of recovery.  I got a little carried away and had a bit two much to drink a couple times and got on my pole and did some hula hooping.  My libido is HUGE, and I still cant do anything about it!  Well, I can do outside stimulation, but have discovered that I CANNOT orgasm on JUST clit stimulation, I NEED penetration.  FUCK.  I have a lovely stitch hanging out my vagina as well.  I went to the ER when I found it to have it cut shorter.  I told the Dr. there that even the slightest tug was very painful, so please just cut it shorter.  The freaking Dr. PULLED on the stitch!  The whole hospital heard me scream and he just sat there "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry".

Once I recovered enough to open my legs again he got it cut a bit, but I just didn't want him even touching me so I left.  I cried the whole 20 min drive home and I DO NOT CRY.  This was the first time I cried through the whole procedure it hurt that bad. 

My follow up appointment with my surgeon is Oct 17th.  That's when I find out if I have healed sufficiently enough to have penetration.  I do not think I will be cleared until that dam stitch dissolves and who knows when that will be!  I am actually terrified for the first time.  I am afraid it will hurt, afraid I wont be able to orgasm etc etc.  I honestly think its going to take longer then six weeks for me to be recovered enough to go back to camming.  Where my cervix used to be (now called a vaginal cuff) I feel pressure and bit of tenderness still.  I am approaching the 4 week mark on Tuesday and I am definitely not near ready for insertion.

Monday, 10 September 2012

Not really Camming related:)

This post will not be to much cam related.  Just an update on the surgery.

Had my surgery on Sept. 4th.  I had joined a hysterectomy forum and read all the hints, tips and pre-op and post-op entries.  I was scared SHITLESS.  There were woman that were still pretty much immobile and in pain 4 weeks later!.  Here is a POSITIVE story. (For the most part).

Woke up from Surgery and really didn't feel any pain.  Little bit of discomfort, but nothing any worse then my usual period cramps.  I had a catheter in, which was a little uncomfortable, but not unbearable.  I managed to make it 28 hours without a smoke.  I finally grabbed my bag of urine and made my way downstairs to have one.  Came back up and the nurse pulled out my "packing".  That kinda hurt.  Never ending gauze coming out of my vagina.  Next day I was begging for my catheter to come out as I was tired of packing it around and having to constantly empty it.

Catheter was removed on day two.  I was pretty smug.  I had sailed through all the surgeries and was thinking how it was such a walk in the park this had all been.  That day I found I was having quite the problem urinating.  I could only get a little bit out each time.  The nurses said I may have to be re-catheterised if I couldn't empty my bladder by the evening.  NOW I WAS SCARED.  I had heard that it was extremely painful to have that done.

By evening shift change I still had a full bladder.  Everyone else in my room (3 others) were sleeping and the young nurse said she would have to do an "in and out" catheter.  Talk about humiliating:(  Had to lay back in my bed, spread my legs and then endure the pain of a tube going up my urethra.  The nurse managed to get out 850ml.!   I fell asleep only to be wakened in two hours by the nurse wanting to check my bladder again.  Once again they did the "in and out" and got out 750ml.  I asked what the next step was and she said there was a new "protocol" and would go have a look.

The new protocol turned out to be to teach ME to catheterise myself!  To make a long story short, I learned, it was frustrating and hurt like a son of a bitch but had to be done.  I got to go home on Friday afternoon.  So was in hospital only not quite 4 days.  On day three, my bed sheets had still not been changed so I went in search of clean linen and did it myself.

It is now Monday, and I am down to only having to catheterise about 2 times a night.  I am not exactly pain free, but I what I do feel is certainly bare able.  The hardest part is trying to take it easy.  I am SUPPOSED to take 6 weeks off, but I am going stir crazy already, so going back to work next Monday.  Plus, I am going to be without my camming income for six weeks, so need to at least have my regular work. 

Hopefully I can still fit a dildo in my pussy when I am all healed up.  Its looking pretty darn tight!  I guess the anterior and posterior repair is what tightened up everything.  Little nervous about the first time I put something in there!  Looks like I could barely fit my pinky in there at the moment:)

Friday, 31 August 2012

Time for update

Time for an update..  I have gone on twice in two weeks.  Made Approx $80 the first time in a couple hours and $120 the second time in an hour and half.  THANKS to my reg's on the second one.  I think I popped on one other time for about 5-10 min and just did not have the patience that night.

I am going for the surgery on Tuesday.  SCARED SHITLESS.  I will have SIX weeks of no camming, how the heck will I make it without even the tiny extra $$ I get off it?  I also worry about the first time I insert anything in there. 

I was wrong about the "vaginal tightening" being an option.  Its  mandatory with what I am getting done apparently.   Here is the "list" of surgery.
rectocele repair
cystocele repair
Vaginal Hysterectomy (tubes, uterus, cervix)
Bladder lift
Endo removal
and Urethral sling

All because of #1. Child birth stretching things and #2. Endometriosis damaging things.  Anyway, I just hope it all goes nice and smooth with minimal pain.  Sure wish I could get a boob job and tummy tuck while under:)

I plan to have my last "hurray" camming tonight.  Not going on till a bit later.  Going to be a tough night though.. I find Fridays usually suck, as well as the LAST day before the pay all the "big guns" come out.  Top models do a final push before the pay period.  Will have to stick it out and not get discouraged and sign off after 5 min or an hour, gotta put my two hours in regardless.  Guess I am off to the liquor store after work for some coolers:)

Thursday, 9 August 2012

good night and not so good:)

Lets see... Was a successful night last night as I made $74.05 in a little under two hours. I am happy with that.  Except I got an insult... well, I guess some say "that's not an insult!!!"  but to ME it was an insult.  One asked if I was a BBW.  I AM NOT BBW.  I work hard at my body.  I may be a few lbs over, but not hugely.  I do not have a hard 20 something year olds body, but a little in the middle.  Oh well, 1 member out of hundreds...

Here's the not so good.  I was drinking (of course) on cam.  I went way beyond over my limit.  My limit is a max of 3- 4 vodka coolers.  I somehow had nine.  That's in two hours.  They went down like juice, and I didn't feel it.  I don't think I was ridiculously drunk on cam, but when I logged off and stood up, WHAM!  Hit me like a mac truck.  The last time I threw up was 17 years ago.  I know exactly when it was because I do NOT throw up.  Its almost impossible for me to.  Must be some psychological block that prevents me from throwing up, even if I stick my finger down my throat.  (Nope, I would never make it as a bulimic.)

Last night I was praying to the porcelain God.  NO problems throwing up.  I spent two hours in the bathroom.  probably the last 40 min were in the shower trying to control an anxiety attack between my periods of heaving.  I have NO IDEA how I let it get so far.  I am all about control.  I must be in control all the time.  That's part of the reason I do not do drugs or drink excessively.  I think my anxiety attack in the shower last night was either brought on by the fact that I was actually doing what was impossible for me (throwing up), or the feeling of loss of control. 

THE ONLY reason I do drink on cam is because it makes me relax and less inhibited.  I like to get that little buzz going so my inhibitions go out the window and I can let the conservative part of me step aside.  Generally though, I know my limit.  Have no clue where my stop button was last night!.

The closer it gets to my surgery date, the more anxious I get though.  I am scared to be honest.

Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Another great one

Haven't been able to post lately.  I did go on another time and did very well in an hour and a half again.  AGAIN, its thanks to the REGULAR tippers, without them, I would have been there hours! lol.  So all in all, I only went on 2x in two weeks.  I am really slacking bad.  My hearts not in it again.  I really really need the $$ in a bad way, but cannot seem to motivate myself to get on there.

#1. Its way to hot to use my pole.  Its like trying to hold on to a greased pig.  There would sure be some wrecks if I tried to pole dance in this heat, even with the air on.
#2. I am just not "feeling it".  If I am not in the mood, the customers know it.

I am getting REALLY nervous about my upcoming surgery and am so tempted to cancel it.  Sure would be nice to be able to get some cosmetic surgery done at the same time.  Little tuck there, lift there, fill there.

I HAVE been watching cams even though I have not been working.  I REALLY enjoy the couple cams.  Hetero, bi, gay - any couple is quite entertaining.  I love to read what the members and guests in the room write.. Of course, there is always  "FEET BB"  every few lines.  My girlfriend and I have made a joke of that and usually will text each other out of the blue once in awhile "show me ur feet bb..mmmmmm" 

Well, back to work I go...sigh

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

WOW

What a night last night!  Was on for a total of 1 hour, 15 min and made double my goal.  Thanks to one main regular.  I am a little hung over today, so I may take tonight to send off vids to the tippers and relax, but gotta get back at it tomorrow.  I made a mess!!!

I think I orgasmed about 6x and my floor was like a lake.   Man I needed that.  Will write more later, gotta head to work.

Friday, 13 July 2012

virus

Believe it or not I am STILL SICK!!!!  Apparently it takes 4-6 weeks to run its course! ack!... I plan on returning to camming on Monday, sick or not.  I have to earn some money in a bad way.  I am scheduled for surgery on Sept. 4th and I will be off for six weeks...

Here's the story. I have endometriosis which causes lots of woman problems.  Heavy bleeding, cramping, extreme pain etc etc.  I have had three surgeries already for it, which have caused some damage.  I am going in to get a partial hysterectomy (uterus out), endo surgery, bladder lift, urethral sling and the best part???

The Gyno was explaining all the surgeries he would be doing and he said "Oh, I offer this to all woman who get a hysterectomy.  I do a vaginal tightening, and tell them they will be born again virgins"  WHAT!!!!!!  I think my jaw dropped open.  I was thinking, but I am NOT loose, but then again, TIGHTER is always better.  hmmmmmm.... So I asked what the risks were.  He said, "well, it could end up TOO tight, but I use a dilator during surgery to try and prevent that."  WTF? TO TIGHT? is that even a bad thing? haha.

The one huge downfall he let me know is, when you get a partial hysterectomy "your vagina will be shortened".. .My eyes went huge and I proclaimed "BUT I AM ALREADY TO SHORT!!!!"  So now, instead of 6 inches tops, I am going to have to go with 5-5.5 inches for insert able length.  OH MY GOD!  Just great.  Guess I may be resigned to strictly toys for the rest of my life unless they come up with some kind of "stopper" that can be put on the end of a cock to prevent it from going to deep no matter how hard the thrusting. 

I will report how Monday goes.  Praying for lots of paying members in my room and lots and lots of tokens coming my way.  HA!  funny girl huh?

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

3 am tea and musings

I am up, its 3am.  I should be sleeping.  I had taken three days holidays last week and was quite excited to get to work at the camming.  HA!  I am on day 12 or 13 (lost track), of being super sick.  Went to the hospital twice over the weekend.  Oh what a week.  Bladder infection, viral cold and then wonderful Aunt Flow decides to come for a visit.  I haven't been on my pole in ages and I am feeling bloated, crampy and just plain disgusting.

I did manage to do SOMETHING fun on my days off.  My neighbour has a boat, and he took me out for hours upon hours.  I even donned a bikini for the occasion which I haven't done since I was about 15.  I am hoping I can start anew after the next pay period.  I think this may very well be the first time I have earned 0 $$ for a pay period.  I did not even cam ONCE.

I have an appointment scheduled with my gyno for Thursday to tell him my decision on surgery.  I have decided to go ahead with my 4th endometriosis surgery and get ablation and a urethra sling in at the same time... Which means SIX WEEKS of no camming.  I have had 3 surgeries in the past for endo, which also caused damage to my urethra.  I cant cough, laugh or sneeze hard without peeing.  How sexy is that? 

Well, with being as sick as I am, I guess I could really get the "pee" pervs turned on.  Get on cam, hack my brains out and pee.  Speaking of.... I have found MANY men out there have a thing for watching a woman pee.  Whats up with that???   I have gone on skype for $25 and peed, I have made "pee" videos.  Hell, how easy is that?  Its something we all gotta do, if I can make money off of it, what the hell.

I don't waste an opportunity either.  When I was out on the boat, we stopped at an island.  I had to pee, so I hiked up a ways to find a secluded spot.  I thought to myself, "oh!  peeing outside, cant waste it!"  Used my phone to video myself so I have some material for the next person that wants to tip for a pee vid. 

Well, off to try and sleep again before another work day.

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

if its not one thing......

Its another...grrrr... So, I went back to work on Thursday.  Tried at 7, no tips in a half hour, so logged off till 8.. Went back on at 8, stuck my goal at 1200 tokens, and made it within an hour and a half!  Funny thing about it.  I felt like shit, so really did not want my face on cam.  I ended up putting the pussy up for almost 98% of the time!  Right off the bat I had great room numbers.  Funny how that works huh?

With the wonderful success I figured I would work Friday night, and twice on Saturday to make up some $$ before the payday.  Friday, at the day job, I had a tickle in my throat.  Friday night, felt like shit, went to bed early, figuring I would work my ass off on Saturday.  I spent Saturday, Sunday and Monday in bed for the most part.  Fever, cough, sneezing etc etc.  So, the finger is less painful, but I am sicker then a dog.

To top it all off, I had scheduled wed, thurs and friday as Holiday days from the day job.  So, my holidays begin tomorrow, and I am sitting here all feverish and sniffly. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrr.  Okay, thats all I can write, I have to go lay down...sigh....

Thursday, 28 June 2012

real sex?

I decided to address Eddie's comment here.  He suggested I could walk out on to the street and basically beckon for a man.  To funny!  Here is the reality.  On cam, I wear sexy clothes, tons of make up, and six inch heels (which I cannot walk in, for the record).  If  I went outside like that in my town, I would be branded the town prostitute.. lol.  On cam, I can hide my flaws, such as my pot belly.

The other thing.  Texting and emailing is a whole different ballgame.  I am brave!  In person I am actually kinda shy and I babble out of nervousnous.  I am also picky.  I have TRIED a couple times for the "real" thing and I gotta say, it was a HUGE disappointment.  Do all men over 40 only last under 5 min and then are pretty much done?  What happened to foreplay? is it a long forgotten art?  Or am I abnormal that I could go and go and go?  I looked up the definition of nymphomaniac.  This is what I found:

A condition that makes a woman have sexual intercourse with as many men as possible without having a lasting relationship.

Thats not me.  I do not want TONS of men.  I want ONE good one that I can see on a regular basis.  I dont want to move in or be married at this time, just ONE I can date and get off with a few times a week.  So I guess in a sense, I do want the "relationship" status without the living together.  I want exclusive (to many diseases out there).  The problem is, I have to find somebody that has my sexual appetite and can actually go and go or at least be able to get it up again soon after.  I am thinking that is just to much to ask.  At my age, the men just do not have the stamina.  NO WAY in hell will I get a "boy toy" though. 

I guess I have to stick to camming.  At least my hitachi doesnt finish before me.  Speaking of which, I really really gotta get my ass in gear and get to work.  (Eddie, I did respond to your comment in the comments section).


Monday, 25 June 2012

dam it dam it. So far, my week is not going as planned.  I am typing with nine fingers and its painstakingly slow.  I broke up a dog fight yesterday and got my finger severley bit.  THANK GOD for artificial nails.  My artificial and real nail got ripped off.  Its not pretty, a mangled mess.  Needless to say, my plan to work all week is NOT starting off good.  Its going to be another rough month financially:(

Not sure if I mentioned this already but as of May i have been camming for one year.  Time is not going slow and my window of opportunity to get what I can from this is dwindling.  I am only getting older after all!  On the other hand, I really would like to have REAL sex instead of toys every once in awhile.  Think I have to arrange that. Gotta stay "in the mood" and real cock would go a long way towards that! lol.

OH and I am so envious!  a friend bought a sex swing.  THAT looks like so much fun!.  Not worth it for me to buy one unless I could incoorporate it into my show somehow,,,mmmmmmmmm

Saturday, 23 June 2012

another update

So, I went back to MFC.  I made goal in an hour and half and then went over a bit.  500 people in my room during the show.  Somebody posted in my comments "how do you get so many?"  I am going to answer her here.  ITS A FLUKE!  lol.  What I have figured out.  On mfc, I get 10-30 people in my room while I am just sitting there talking.  If I want to get more people in, I put the camera between my legs, within 2 min the numbers start climbing.  Sometimes it works great, and I get new tippers that will stay, sometimes it doesnt work and when they see  I am not actually at the "show" part, they leave. 

The reason I had such a high room number was because it was during my show.  My regular tippers got me to goal, then when show started a few more chipped in.  As soon as I have my first orgasm, the numbers drop like flies.  They dont know I dont DO just one orgasm.  I am good for at LEAST 3 or 4. So, to answer your question.  Room numbers on MFC for models that are not in the top 10 work like this:  It fluctuates as you show your body.  Members are looking for free stuff.  They want to see a model cum for free.  It IS called MY FREE CAMS, even though WE want to make the money, about 80% (just a guess) on there do not tip.  The top models are all in their 20's with hard bodies (as a general rule).  The younger the better.   I have my reg's that usually try to get me to goal, and if I am lucky, I may pick up another "fan" in the night that will come back.

I think the other "trick" to camming is this:  The key is to have "fans" that will be there when your on.  In order to gain a lot of fans, you have to put the time in.  HOURS every day at the same time without fail.  I am sporadic.  I am pooped after working all day, and half the time, I say "fuck it, I will do it tomorrow".  When I was actually camming 5 days a week I made my goal for earnings ALMOST all the time. 

I have NO patience lately.  I get on for a half hour to an hour, and if I dont have any members in my room, I give up.  I guess I want instant gratification.  I've decided to get my ass in gear and come Monday, start going on every night - members or not, I gotta put the time in!

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Been awhile!

Life has been so busy that I just have not been able to post in awhile.  I joined up on a new site.  Check it out http://www.xpeeps.com/.  Pays out 70 percent!  Like MFX it is also fairly new, (since April) but has a lot more traffic.  I have not had a lot of time to work, as a result I am sure feeling it financially.  I think I am burnt out as well with the camming again.  I keep thinking to myself, I need to get my act together and commit to that 4 days a week at LEAST.  I just find that after a work day, the thought of getting all the make up on, getting dressed etc sounds exhausting.

I like that you can completely block guests from entering your room.  In fact, there are quite a few options.  You can mute or block guests and basics, you can set your room so they have to tip to come in.  Your sessions online are recorded, so you can go back and make a movie from it and put it up for sale.  I am a very very impatient person though, and get frustrated and bored easily, so when there is no action in the first half hour I find myself logging off, when I SHOULD be committing to a min of two hours as it is usually after an hour when the "action" starts and room starts to fill up.

I have no funny stories to write about, as its usually the same old same old.  Haven't had any weird requests and it seems to be a fairly "vanilla" site. Have not had a single rude person on the site either.  Maybe because it doesn't have huge amounts of members yet.  I have a couple followers on there and if I would get my act together and go on regular then I am sure I would get more. 

I still try to be different.  I try not to just sit in front of the camera and keep myself moving around, talking, joking etc.  My impatience gets in the way of sitting there doing nothing, and I want instant satisfaction.  I want my room to fill up in a half hour and be getting off within the hour.   Yea, I know, unrealistic. lol.  I have noticed that models are on for HOURS and HOURS.  I certainly do not have the patience for that.

I havent gone back to MFC yet.  Its where I made the most money, but it also pays only 50%.  I like the payout of 70% because your goal for a "show" can be set a lot lower.  Anyhoo, will try and get to this blog more often.

Tuesday, 28 February 2012

New site etc

Well, I feel I may have to give up on new site.  I will go on Wednesday night and if there is no new tippers, I am outta there.  Its just taking so long to take off it seems.  A lot of members (with 0 tokens, because the cool feature is you can see how many tokens they have!).  Anyhoo, I will be returning to MFC regardless of the whole camscore situation.  At least I have more of a chance there to make money:)  Will update in about two weeks upon my return.

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Break Needed!

I have decided to take a couple weeks off camming.  Its going to kill me to not have that extra $$$, but I am feeling burnt out again.  I am feeling like "oh shit, I gotta work, I dont want to!!!".  I am sure those feelings come across on cam so I decided I may as well just take a few weeks to recharge.  Sometimes you just need to do that so you can go back refreshed and ready.

I have taken a break from MFC for a few weeks now, and I plan to not go back until my pole dancing lessons are complete and I have a routine.  I am going back to MFC with a new mindset.  I WILL NOT make friends and be the social butterly.  Making friends leads to no tipping or me telling them NOT to tip.  I will bite my tongue and not tell people they cant tip - after all, that IS what I am there for.  Must learn to treat this as a business and push for tips and quit making friends:).

So, thats the plan for now.

Monday, 6 February 2012

Ramblings

First off, about the new site.  It is still in the early stages with a lot of kinks to work out.  The problem is getting members.  Not only paying members, but models who will be on line.  Over 70 have signed up now but seems to be only 3 or 4 main ones that go on line regularly.  The site is also great for couples or men, and tries to have as few rules as possible.  I do really hope it takes off as there are a lot of cool features on it and has potential to be big.  I absolutely LOVE that you can block guests entirely.  Not only mute them, but block them from coming in your room.  Another great feature is that you can set your room to ONLY allow tippers in, for e.g. Your room is not open to anyone unless they tip 10 tokens to get in. 

Since it is new, you have to be prepared to sit there for hours with nobody in your room:)

Now, since I figure its been approximately 9 months of me being in the "cam business" I figured I had seen/heard it all and knew all fetishes.  Well, I was wrong.  I know about bbw fetishes but what I did not know was the "feeder" fetish.  Wow.  I watched a show on it last night.  Apparently it is actually growing in popularity.  I know one thing for sure, if a member decides he wants to start sending me money to watch me eat I will NOT go there!  I am trying so dam hard to get rid of the extra I have as it is. 

One thing I have found out about myself that is new.  I LOVE TO SHOP!  I think part of the fun for me going on cam is just to wear sexy outfits and 5 inch heels that I otherwise would not be able to wear out.  My town is a jeans and T-shirt kinda town, so if I went out dressed as I do on cam I would probably be labelled the town slut.  Imagine if "they" find out what I do at night for fun and a little extra cash.  That is one thing I want to address.  If you are thinking of getting into camming, you have to realise that it is always a possibility.  No matter how hard you try to keep it private (as in blocking your city/country) there is still going to be a chance that your secret gets out.

I have thought a lot about it.  I worry a lot about it.  The worst case scenario would be I lose my day job.  I don't "*think* that would happen, but of course you never know.  The other (TO ME) worst case is the fact that people would talk.  Yes, they would say nasty things behind my back about being a dirty cam whore, prostitute, slut etc etc.  The thing I try to keep in mind is #1. YES I am somewhat selling my body for money BUT #2.  I am not having ANY physical contact with another person, I am basically having sex with myself but with a paying out of sight audience.    The great debate:  Is camming prostitution?  I am of the opinion that its not.  They call us "cam models".  We are "modelling " our bodies in a very intimate fashion.  Yea, yea, its porn, so be it, but its safe porn with no exchanges of bodily fluids or even person to person contact.

Anyone want to weigh in on their thoughts please write in the comments section.  Do you consider cam modelling a form of prostitution?

Friday, 27 January 2012

Been awhile!

Its been a looong time since I posted.  Figured I am due.  Well, where to begin.  My adventures on MFC are pretty much the same.  Nothing new and exciting.  Up and down like a ..... well you know.  The inconsistency there is killing me.  Camscore, that's another thing I really DO NOT LIKE.  I finally was ALMOST at the 2000 mark, than took a huge hit, dropping down to 1010.  I quit.  It bugs the shit out of me. 

I have signed up on a new site.  When I say NEW I mean SUPER new, as in just launched.  The link for that is www.myfreexxxwebcam.com.  HUGE potential on this site once it takes off I think.  There are still some bugs and glitches to work out but the admin is easily accessible and extremely helpful.  The pay is awesome.  It goes like this:  Top 1-5 get 80%.  6-10 gets 75% 11-15 gets 70% and beyond that, everyone gets 65%.  MFC pays out 50%.

There are only around 60 models signed up so far, and not many members, but its slowly getting there.  I will be concentrating all my efforts on that site right now and giving MFC a HUGE break.  There is also another fairly new one that I may give a try www.chaturbate.com.  It certainly is extremely difficult to build a client base when you can only dedicate 2 hours a night at most.

I have to say.  I have met some amazing people.  Who would have thought?  Mind you, that's me, being the social butterfly and making on line friends instead of treating them like customers.  I am certainly NOT going to make a living at this camming, but I will say, the extra money is awesome.  I have become a clothes whore.  Wait, I have become a clothes whore, shoe whore, g string whore.  I have become... *gasp*  a GIRL!

OH!  Another thing I have taken up.  Pole dancing (for fitness) lessons.  I even bought a pole.  Funny story that one.  I got the pole and my friend and I set it up.  Supposedly its portable and can support up to a 220lb load weight without having to screw it in.  We swung on that thing like a couple of orangutans for about a half hour with no issue.  Other than the whining "oh my arms, oh my legs, ouch ouch".  Later that night, after have a few drinks to dull the pain of the aching muscles I decided to try dancing with the pole, do a couple of swings and film it so I could have a look at whether I could pull "sexy" off.

Turn cam on.  Begin slowly walking around pole, concentrating on walking in the 5 inch heels and NOT falling, tripping or generally making an ass of myself.  Shaking the booty, do a successful swing landing somewhat gracefully on my feet, begin going the other way.  Picture this:  I am mid swing, so, the fastest, hardest part and WHAM, pole comes down with me on it.  Yup.  I got it on vid!  It is absolutely hilarious.  For a mere $19.99 I can email it to you.  HAHA.   

I will try to write more regularily in this blog.  Tonight, I am off to strip club to see if I can actually learn something like, well you know, graceful moves, fluidity, sexy, all that stuff that just does NOT come natural to me.