Thursday, 9 August 2012

good night and not so good:)

Lets see... Was a successful night last night as I made $74.05 in a little under two hours. I am happy with that.  Except I got an insult... well, I guess some say "that's not an insult!!!"  but to ME it was an insult.  One asked if I was a BBW.  I AM NOT BBW.  I work hard at my body.  I may be a few lbs over, but not hugely.  I do not have a hard 20 something year olds body, but a little in the middle.  Oh well, 1 member out of hundreds...

Here's the not so good.  I was drinking (of course) on cam.  I went way beyond over my limit.  My limit is a max of 3- 4 vodka coolers.  I somehow had nine.  That's in two hours.  They went down like juice, and I didn't feel it.  I don't think I was ridiculously drunk on cam, but when I logged off and stood up, WHAM!  Hit me like a mac truck.  The last time I threw up was 17 years ago.  I know exactly when it was because I do NOT throw up.  Its almost impossible for me to.  Must be some psychological block that prevents me from throwing up, even if I stick my finger down my throat.  (Nope, I would never make it as a bulimic.)

Last night I was praying to the porcelain God.  NO problems throwing up.  I spent two hours in the bathroom.  probably the last 40 min were in the shower trying to control an anxiety attack between my periods of heaving.  I have NO IDEA how I let it get so far.  I am all about control.  I must be in control all the time.  That's part of the reason I do not do drugs or drink excessively.  I think my anxiety attack in the shower last night was either brought on by the fact that I was actually doing what was impossible for me (throwing up), or the feeling of loss of control. 

THE ONLY reason I do drink on cam is because it makes me relax and less inhibited.  I like to get that little buzz going so my inhibitions go out the window and I can let the conservative part of me step aside.  Generally though, I know my limit.  Have no clue where my stop button was last night!.

The closer it gets to my surgery date, the more anxious I get though.  I am scared to be honest.

6 comments:

  1. hey, ive been reading your blog... very interesting. i am a camgirl myself and omg, i get so discourage sometimes!

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  2. I joined MFC three days ago and have gone on for about an hour at a time the past three night. So far I've made about $400. People sometimes have thrown insults or said hey you're making money you can't have your bra on. Etc. or that I need help at this because I take it slow and don't immediately get down to business but I've found I've made much more $ If I drag things out a bit and kind of tease for awhile. I've also never asked for tips or amounts for flashes etc, I just let them tip if they want. I think more money is made by keeping several guests in your group chat and keeping it going as long as you can. I also haven't ever taken anything off in public chat and just talk to the members in there and interact and usually within a few mins someone starts a group chat

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  3. CONGRATS anon #2:) You must be young and very attractive?? I hope you continue with success, thats AWESOME! ANon #1, I feel you.. I get so discouraged sometimes as well..

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  4. I just went on MFC for the first time last night. I'm 41 and still have weight to lose. I'm doing this primarily for myself, to prove that I can do it at this age and still turn guys on :) I was only on for 75 minutes and got overwhelmed with all the popup messages all over my screen, trying to figure out how to block mean people, etc.- I only made $2.50. Wah! I have got to come up with a system and a method here.

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Feel free to share your experiences, or to ask me a question and I will try and answer it for you.