Sunday, 7 October 2012

ATTN: XXX

Hi XXX
I just read your comment.  First off for all the annoying PM windows.  In your profile settings when you log on you can set it to NO PMS with a message, or you can set it to friends only can PM you.  I have mine set to Friends only, but even then I find it gets annoying.  Its hard to entertain your room AND keep up with PM's.  I usually tell people that want to PM that I just don't do private messages as it takes my attention away from the room.  MOST messages are just guys wanting you to watch THEIR cams of them jerking off.  As far as the meanies, block their asses RIGHT AWAY, and try and let it roll off your back. 

Try and remember that those type of people are just asses.  They are not the majority, and they probably just get off on going to models rooms and being rude.  I always wondered about that.  Why would ANYONE want to go into a strangers room and say hurtful things directly to them when all they have to do is click next model? I think its a game to some. 

As far as earning $$.  Gotta remember, there are not very many that make the top model's and have the $$ rolling in.  The ones that DO, are generally very young, very hard bodied and treat it as the "porn" that it is, and not the place to go socialise (like me:).  They also have a gimmick (which we all do), but certain things work for some, and not for others.  Those top girls treat it like the "job" it is, and work hard.  They get the fan base from being on at regular times and promoting themselves etc etc.

Its certainly not a "job" for your average mature woman where they are going to make the huge $$.  The way I look at it, EVEN if I have a terrible night and am lucky to make $10 in two hours, I think to myself, well, its $10 extra dollars I wouldn't have made just watching TV, and I most likely had a good time chatting anyway.  Don't get discouraged, try to have fun and remember that as you develop a fan base (even if its only a few!) you will feel so much better about yourself.:)  As long as you are enjoying it, keep doing it.  When you stop enjoying it, take a break.  Apparently most woman burn out after 3 months and quit.  I like it to much to quit for good.  Keep me posted okay? 

NOTES ON MY RECOVERY:

So, since the surgery, I have been mostly on the upward slide of recovery.  I got a little carried away and had a bit two much to drink a couple times and got on my pole and did some hula hooping.  My libido is HUGE, and I still cant do anything about it!  Well, I can do outside stimulation, but have discovered that I CANNOT orgasm on JUST clit stimulation, I NEED penetration.  FUCK.  I have a lovely stitch hanging out my vagina as well.  I went to the ER when I found it to have it cut shorter.  I told the Dr. there that even the slightest tug was very painful, so please just cut it shorter.  The freaking Dr. PULLED on the stitch!  The whole hospital heard me scream and he just sat there "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry".

Once I recovered enough to open my legs again he got it cut a bit, but I just didn't want him even touching me so I left.  I cried the whole 20 min drive home and I DO NOT CRY.  This was the first time I cried through the whole procedure it hurt that bad. 

My follow up appointment with my surgeon is Oct 17th.  That's when I find out if I have healed sufficiently enough to have penetration.  I do not think I will be cleared until that dam stitch dissolves and who knows when that will be!  I am actually terrified for the first time.  I am afraid it will hurt, afraid I wont be able to orgasm etc etc.  I honestly think its going to take longer then six weeks for me to be recovered enough to go back to camming.  Where my cervix used to be (now called a vaginal cuff) I feel pressure and bit of tenderness still.  I am approaching the 4 week mark on Tuesday and I am definitely not near ready for insertion.

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