Tuesday, 22 March 2011

slow night

Before I go into the details of the night tonight, I want to address some questions that will most likely come up.  For example: WHY would you do this?  Not an easy answer. First off, I want to say, I am a SUPER SHY person.  I had huge body image issues for years.  Self confidance? nada.  Sex? hated it for the most part.  Never been much of a sexual person, due to the body image/self confidance.  Then, last summer, something happened.  Its like a switch went off, or hormones went out of wack, something happened anyway because all of a sudden I WANTED sex.  I excersized and felt good about my body - I am not saying I think I have a hot body by anymeans, its still a work in progress, but I feel good, I feel sexual.  I started wearing more revealing clothes rather then baggy stuff, started taking care of myself.  Then, I noticed men starting to look at me - I liked it.  I didnt WANT to hide my body. 

As an aside, I was raped as a 13 year old - which probably caused all the lovely problems with how I felt about sex.  I felt it was dirty, perverted etc.  Maybe this is another 'effect' of it? I dont think so though.  I feel the best I have ever felt about myself.  So, I decided I wanted to make more money, but how?  Nothing for extra jobs around my area.  I wanted something from home.  hmmm.. what sells? SEX of course.  I googled and found info about cam modelling (at my other halfs suggestion!).  It intrigued me. I wondered if I could really do it.  I did not think I could, but thought I would give it a go anyway and if I couldnt do it, well so be it.

So, here I am.  A person who hated sex, thought porn was perverted - and am now somewhat of a porn star myself:)  I have learned to use the word cock and pussy without wanting to shrink in shame.  Some may say that it's not right that I have gained MORE confidance from doing this, but you know what? I am the MOST comfortable I have ever been with my sexuality, I am enjoying it to the hilt.  I am not ashamed about it either.  OF COURSE I would not want people in my area to know, but if they found out, so be it.  They are welcome to think what they want of me.  I wish I had felt this comfortable when I was in my 20's though.  To bad I didnt wake up until my 40's.   I feel doing this is a safe way to have "safe sex" and get little monetary reward for it.  You could say I am whoring myself out, but, thats fine, I am enjoying it.  If I start to feel uncomfortable I will simply stop.  I can look people in the eye now rather then at the ground.  After all, when you've exposed your whole intimate parts to strangers, whats looking somebody in they eye?

Now onto tonights story;
I was only on for 2 hours and it was HARD.. I mean hard as in getting any privates.  I only got two.  Had my regular guy come to tell me I am his angel and how much he thinks I am a goddess. awwww.  He told me he is 22 and a techie.  I enjoy the chat though.  I may not be making money at it, but I like to talk. A lot.  I spent about 40 min just chatting with this one guy who was saying how he wished he could get his wife to shave.  I suggested a few things on how he can get her to come around.  Second night in a row where I lost privates due to my cam quality and being blurred when I moved.  Must buy new cam!  Nothing really interesting to tell about the two privates, they just wanted to see a squirt and to be talked dirty to, and one was a repeat from last night.  Yippy!.  One guy in chat was...ummmm. different.  He kept referencing his woman, and that she was 50 and he 28 and that she was his mum and he her son and she was stroking him.  Okay.   Of course, the usual ones trying to get a free peek at tits or under the panties.  AGAINST THE RULES.  I did my best to not give to much, its hard. Simply answering sexual questions is enough to get some of them off, so its really touch and go on what you show and what you say.  I am still learning.  Thats about it.

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